The Lighter Side of Law Enforcement

Scared Straight

A retired police officer had asked me to draw this cartoon for his new T-shirt company. The idea was similar to the old Scared Straight TV-show. He wanted the T-shirt to illustrate that even a small crime can ruin your life because you may end up getting raped in prison…

Free Attorney’s Advice

Read  this and make a copy for your files in case you need to refer to it someday. Maybe we should all take some of his advice!

A corporate attorney sent the following out to the employees in his company.

1.  The next time you order checks have only your initials (instead of first name) and last name put on them. If someone takes your checkbook, they will not know if you sign your checks with just your initials or your first name, but your bank will know how you sign your checks.

2.  Do not sign the back of your credit cards.  Instead, put “PHOTO ID REQUIRED”.

3.  When you are writing checks to pay on your credit card accounts, DO NOT put the complete account number on the “For” line. Instead, just put the last four numbers. The credit card company knows the rest of the numbers, and anyone who might be handling your check as it passes through all the check processing channels won’t have access to it.

4. Put your work phone # on your checks instead of your home phone. If you have a P.O Box, use that instead of your home address. If you do not have a P.O. Box, use your work address. Never have your SS# printed on your checks. (DUH!) You can add it if it is necessary. But if you have it printed, anyone can get it.

5. Place the contents of your wallet on a photocopy machine. Do both sides of each license, credit card, etc. You will know what you had in your wallet and all of the account numbers and phone numbers to call and cancel Keep the photocopy in a safe place. I also carry a photocopy of my passport when travel either here or abroad. We’ve all heard horror stories about fraud that’s committed on us in stealing a name, address, Social Security number, credit cards.

Unfortunately, I as an attorney, have firsthand knowledge because my wallet was stolen last month. Within a week, the thieves ordered an expensive monthly cell phone package, applied for a VISA credit card, had a credit line approved to buy a Gateway computer, received a PIN number from DMV to change my driving record information online, and more But here’s some critical  information to limit the damage in case this happens to you or someone you know:

1. We have been told we should cancel our credit cards immediately. But the key is having the toll free numbers and your card  numbers handy so you know whom to call.  Keep those where you can find them.

2. File a police report immediately in the jurisdiction where your credit cards, etc., were stolen. This proves to credit providers you were diligent, and this is a first step toward an investigation (if  there ever is one).

But here’s what is perhaps most important of all: (I never even thought to do this.)

3. Call the 3 national credit reporting organizations immediately to place a fraud alert on your name and Social Security number. I had never heard of doing that until advised by a bank that called to tell me an application for credit was made over the Internet in my name. The alert means any company that checks your credit knows your information was stolen, and they have to contact you by phone to authorize new credit.

By the time I was advised to do this, almost two weeks after the theft, all the damage had been done. There are records of all the credit checks initiated by the thieves’ purchases, none of which I knew about before placing the alert.  Since then, no additional damage has been done, and the thieves threw my wallet away. This weekend (someone turned it in). It seems to have stopped them dead in their tracks.

Now, here are the numbers you always need to contact about your wallet, etc., has been stolen:

1.) Equifax:  1-800-525-6285
2.) Experian (formerly TRW): 1-888-397-3742
3.) Trans  Union: 1-800-680-7289
4.) Social Security Administration (fraud line):  1-800-269-0271

We pass along jokes on the Internet..we pass along just about everything. But if you are willing to pass this information along, it could really help someone that you care about!!!

Top Ten Impossible Things To Say When You’re Drunk

1. “I think it’s too soon for us to have sex.”
2. “No thanks barkeep, I’ve had enough already.”
3. “Good evening, officer. Isn’t it a lovely night?”
4. “You’re right.”
5. “I’d love to go home with you, but you’re just not that attractive.”
6. “No thanks. I don’t want any pizza.”
7. “I should probably just keep my mouth shut about it.”
8. “Z, Y, X, W, V, U, T . . . ”
9. “Let’s just talk it through. There’s no need for violence.”
10. “No, I don’t know why you pulled me over.”

Janet Jackson

1st Officer: “Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?”
2nd Officer: “Who?”
1st Officer: “Janet Jackson!”
2nd Officer: “What she do, was she speeding?”
1st Officer: “Nah, she had one headlight out.”

Animals Dying from Tainted Pet Food

Whether you work in a K9 unit or you privately own a pet, you should read this article about a major pet food recall that affects many different brands of cat food and dog food (which are all manufactured by the same company). A lot of animals have died from kidney failure! Make sure to spread this article to everyone you know and warn them.

Sleeping On The Job

Here are some funny pictures of cops sleeping on the job. I guess after chasing some crackhead while wearing 50 pounds of gear, belts, and bullet proof vests, you just need a little nappy time…

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Funny Street Signs

Here are some funny pictures of stupid street signs…

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Rich People and Crime

Ever since the OJ Simpson trial I’m convinced that in this country rich people literally get away with murder.

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The Top Ten Signs You Have The Wrong Lawyer

1. Instead of “Objection!” he keeps yelling, “Bingo!”
2. She keeps asking you things like, “Would it kill you to say you did it?”
3. Your legal team is suing each other because someone ate the last bagel.

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Top Ten Ways Police Chiefs Should Not Start A Memo

1. Are you a jelly belly?
2. Attention, nincompoops!
3. What’s up, dudes?

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